When in doubt blame the altitude

Funny things happen when you're up in the mountains; like how I could go from drinking a whole bottle of Disaronno to being drunk after one glass of wine. But as we all say here:
when in doubt; blame the altitude.

My toes have gotten really fat- blame the altitude.
I keep having nosebleeds...blame the altitude.
I haven't poo'd for DAYYYS/I'm really gassy...blame the altitude.
Oh..man..walking up... those ... stairs has...killed me.... -blame the altitude.

I think I'm pregna- wait what... blame the altitude