“Noo, not the Cumin!”

When you work 26/31 days a month you meet a few characters, see a few things and gather a few interesting anecdotes. Here’s a few favourites since my last post:

So; here I am zooming through the jungle on a zipline, same as I do 3 times a day then BOOM my life flashes before my eyes as I think my safety clips have combusted and smacked me in the back of the head becuase something has just wacked me right in the bullseye below my helmet. No other explanation other for the sudden pain because there’s no trees in the way, no super speed birds flying past. Confused; I take off my helmet to reveal the the little shitbags from next door were using me as human target practice as a marble fell out. Why I outta! –shakes fist-

Next up my “tiktik con chhamar” (little baby cat) is doing well, super cute and sitting on my lap as I type this. Well, he decided to come to work with me last week. Usually that’s easy as all he has to do is walk downstairs and play with the ropes and harness’ left out like he normally does…nope. He decides to climb up a 10 meter pole and join me on the platform. Not the usual message I have to radio through to say:

“Nat, Nat, Nat. Please can you come rescue my cat out of a tree”

As seen in my last post, I do get some arseholes I have to pretend to like (as seen in my last post). Most recently we have a boy from Kent and his 3 mates. Same age as me, not too far either so I think it’s nice I can have a laugh with them. Wrong. They come in DEMANDING discount. Why? “We NEVER pay full price for ANYTHING. You’re going to give it to us for $25.” Umm, well mate I never pay full price for anything either but you don’t see me being an arsehole about it. So sorry, no discount for you. Then he decides to kick off with the whole “white tax”. Well, face it Barang (white boy) you’re in a 3^rd world country, if you’ve used up all your money on a 16 month holiday around the world when 1/3^rd of the population of this country have to survive off less than $1 a day then open your eyes to the real world where you have the accessibility of being able to get a job in a Halifax Call Centre of Sainsburys Check Out and earn $20k a year. THAT’S called White Privilege something the people of Cambodia and many places in the world aren’t born into and can’t just do without any experience or education or without moving overseas. So face it mate- paying an extra 2000rl (50c) for some egg fried rice aint the worst thing in the world.

But even with all my recent sassy comments I may give the impression I’m an impatient person or simply bad at my job but firstly it takes a hella lot of patience to guide a group of Chinese around he park who’s only words are “okay, ready, go” –video game style- and not only keep them safe and smiling but to keep them educated on the wildlife (my dinosaur, lizard, monkey, and snail impressions are ones to witness) especially after they failed to understand my tongue in the self-taught Chinese I learnt. But it is really lovely for me to hear about people having fun in a place I’m proud to say I work and we are currently the number 1 thing to do on the island according to trip advisor so if you’d like to read some nice things you can check that out here.

Home is good, Klang is good, Nat is good, Anton (my crazy Russian boss) is good. Monkey’s breaking into my house and stealing my eggs? Not so good. And I suppose you’re wondering where the title of this blog originated. Well…picture this (better in slow motion)…

Customer: Look! –points to tree- a monkey!

Me: Oh no you don’t you feral beast!

-Runs upstairs, hair wild in the artificial wind created by moving at such speed. A war inspired cry is being chanted “Oiiiibooafffyafuhhcarssss” to see dog sized monkeys (no seriously, dog sized) scarpering from my kitchen followed by a cry downstairs…-

Nat: “Noooooooooo, not the cumin!”

-our mammal brothers gallivant off through the trees with our favorite bag of spice in the clutches of their jaws-

…jungle problems.

I’ve been keeping myself *moderately* sober recently by attending the best fake western wedding koh rong has to offer, some bonfires and re-ann khami (learning Cambodian)

walking in style 

I’ve been owed a few days off this month so due to my prolonged holiday departure date I decided to have the 23^rd-25^th off leaving my Thursday – Saturday to do whatever I want. The original plan for Wednesday night and Thursday fell through so cooked some rice and packed an overnight bag and decided to go for a walk. Wellllllllll, fast forward 30km and 2 days later I found myself in the remote most northern village (one of four) on the island named Prek Sway meaning “mango river”. And I ended up having two of my favourite days and two of my scariest nights since arriving to the island 5 months ago.

Setting off Thursday with no agenda I decided to just walk. So by 5pm I found myself in Sang Kaa, the smallest of the four villages in the island and a small fishing and material import port for the islands building supplies. There I was invited by a “bong” (brother) for moi, pi beer sra (one or two beers) and some Karaoke (god they love it over here). Come 6pm and everyone “at mien arr’am, charram sra” (no have party, too much alcohol) so they all bailed and went to bed. Lucky for me I had enough time enough time (not really) to pitch up my hammock on Coconut Beach for the evening. Luckily for me it was a “tom low kai”  (full moon) so that helped a lot with the whole seeing thing.

not a bad view to wake up to 

Day two saw an early morning bath/shower/swimming the sea before continuing the journey to anywhere that took my interest. Deserted beach, boggy swamps, ancient mangroves, GIANT TREES…coastal routes and jungle treks (dense untouched foliage was a personal highlight… “how did I get here? How do I get out? Where did I come from? Ouch that was spikey. THIS VINE HAS TRAPPED MY FOOT! That bug looks like its going to eat me’ etcetc) fast-forward a good few kilometers later and numerously turned down lifts from passing motos and I decided I’d make that evenings destination some abandoned bungalows that I was told about some weeks before. About 4pm I decided to think about starting to pack down for the evening- collect some fire wood, put up my hammock, go for a swim etc. Luckily for me 10 minutes later I recognized the path and I had reached my destination and I did exactly as I planned.

Abandoned bungalow 

Bongs

Coming back from my swim I am greeted by some bongs and we get talking, to the extent that I know maybe 100 words in Khmi and they know “hello” so we all did a bit of learning. We get talking about Song Saa and I think they’re asking if I’m staying at the 5* resort just off the coast for $1500 a night, so I reply “at mien song say, a’tay loy” meaning I have no Song Saa, I have no money. But they keep pointing to the oldest bong like ‘Song Saa! Song Saa!!” sooooo moving onto the next day and I find out that Song Saa also means partner. Like boyfriend, girlfriend. Now replace the conversation and you can understand how my evening pieced together. So “knoym bong” (my bros) warn me about “steel p’shue” (storm) and “cha’ram pree’un” (lots of rain) and invite me to sleep in their abandoned warehouse. As kind as the offer was I didn’t want the only other people on LONELY BEACH to know my sleeping arrangements so I decline and tell them I’ll sleep in the jungle. After seeing the family living off “try san mot bye” (rice and fish from the ocean) it felt rude to refuse. So I take shelter in the alternative arrangement. Unluckily for me my 

the bed of horror films

songsaa I locked the door so when my mixed signals and miscommunication got the better of bong he couldn’t get in my room in the middle of the night…at least when I woke up in the morning he wasn’t standing outside my door with a machete….All a big misunderstanding! And I carried on my walk to Prek Sway.

The plan then was to get to the village then hitch hike back with a moto to my village, Koh Toi in time for work on Sunday morning. Well as I was strolling along the beach at my destination absorbing the beauty and distracted by the perfection of the last couple days my feet decided it would be a good idea to tread on a rusty crab cage buried in the sand, giving up much hope on walking even an hour back. LUCKILY FOR ME my savior, my protector, my Australian Knight in shining armor, my competitor (number 2 on trip advisor, ooo) MITCH from the Adventure boat tour rocks up with his weekly tour. So I hitchy hitched with Mitchy Mitch and his tour back down the coast. Ever been so happy for a coincidence in my life or to see my next door neighbor. A beautiful end to an amazing three days off and not too bad from three days without a watch, a phone, internet, and just 1L of fried rice and 2 bottles of water.

I’m amazed for starters at my current level of fitness and how much you learn when you are put out of your comfort zone. And it just reemphasizes my life motto of “if it’s not a good time, it’s a good story.”

*I am now officially phone and tabletless again.

Bongs on the beach

What's new in the world of the Rong?

Short answer, not too much. Found some pictures from a while back sorting out my memory cards. Been planning my trip for my month off. The current plan is head off the island and up to the north of the country for a month then come back in September.

There's been a few parties, lots of movie nights but even more rain. Work hasn't been too bad, a personal highlight this week was my 8 Americans I took round the other day. Favourite quote of the tour was...
"We took Amanda to Europe, Poland when she was younger because it's a great experience to go to europe. But now she's older we just hear from her how"normal children go on holiday to Disneyland..I went on holiday to Auschwitz". Also "have you ever heard of a Gap Year???" Jessica, I am STILL on my gap year (5 years later).

We always have some interesting characters at work. From crazy Irish guys with "hayfever" (big red eyes) to a terrified indian couple who carry the slow record. Groups of chinese who did the park in syncronised wetsuits becuase they didnt want to get wet and the list goes on. In high season this is a party island so you can only imagine and it's fair to say I meet a few. This week has been something else. At work we have two carabinas for safety and you move them around the park with you (one at a time so you always have one point of connection to the wire that will save your life) and sometimes we get people who ignorantly decide not to use them. This is my red button. ALL THE TIME people forget to use them etc (that's why I have a job)
idits at work
"Hey bro, please make sure you're using both of the carabinas :) "
"Naa, it's okay, I've done this before."
"Have you been to the park before then?"
"No."
"Okay then mate, I do this sometimes four times a day every day for the past four months this is my job, therefore my profession. That makes me a professional and you someone who I'm teaching so YOU listen to me"

-Girl looks me in the eyes 25m high in the air and says 'oops' before unclipping both of her carabinas and moving around the platform"
"If you fall, it's a good job there isn't a hospital on the island, because you wouldn't need one... you'd need a mourge"

-Aussie guy has unclipped so many times around the park we're on the last platform and he decides to just walk around with no clips despite having it drilled into him for the last 2 hours their importance-
"I don't care if you fall from this height and hurt yourself becuase you're being disrespectful to me. I care if you fall from this height becuase I lose my job. Stop being so rude and use the safety clips."


But a fun reminder of where I am and where I work was looking up a metre the other day and seeing a monkey then looking down and seeing a snake. Cambodia!

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd I'm back under my rock again. This month has not been a good one for my electromagnetic field (aka my ability to break or lose anything of any value) I'm phoneless, watchless and cameraless. But hey- at least my tablet still works (kinda.)

Living the quiet island life this past month. I can count the amount of times I've been drunk on one hand (and the amount of times I fell asleep in the Runaways' toilet on one finger). Hitting low season in it's prime now, although I did manage to sell 7 tickets the other day bringing my monthly income back up to my average after seeing just over 100 people this month in the park.

We've still been getting monkey's daily, trying to steal things from my bag- shaking the tightropes- winding up the dog. The norm. Had 2 tree pythons in one day (bringing my Island total to 5 snakes in 4 months). My latest wildlife adventure though is one for the facepalm.

Soo I have a group of 8 people I'm guiding around the park. It's all going well, everyone is safe, everyone is having fun, nobody has told me to shut up or tried testing my patentice by taking their safety clips off. So far, so good. After about an hour of swinging, climbing, surfing through the jungle I look down at my feet and I see a scorpion. So, being the nature lover I am, decide not to kick it off the platform or kill it etc seeing that we're in the jungle (the scorpions home) so I leave him be. BUT I give the Kiwi guy who I'm going around the park a word of warning to watch his feet because he's wearing flip flops (or as they say in NZ...jandels) and there's a SCORPION walking around next to him...fastforward about 15 seconds and I next to me comes a scream and I know screams are never really good in the park (y'know it's my job to make sure nobody falls or is scared of falling and screaming and falling go hand-in-hand) and I'm like "WOAH dude, you okay?!" he's like "I'm fine, the scorpion just climbed on my foot"... buddy. you had one job.

The birthday boy celebrating the finishing of a bottle of 31 Gold Whiskey

Been trying to get a bit more creative recently with my cooking (fried veg and rice/ noodles can get a little tiring after this many months) so I've been experimenting with coconut milk, cumin, dodgy vegtable soups and even managed to make an oreo cake in secret for Nat's birthday. Such an exciting life these day now my liver is recovering.

Used up my last two days off for the months by finally using my advance certificate in SCUBA I got earlier in the year and doing a couple of dives. Visibility was about 8m but paying the staff rate for the dives I can't really complain and had a great time.

I'm getting itchy feet again now, but with my Visa until December and a few friends (hopefully) planing to visit Koh Rong at the end of the year I've just been told I'm allowed to have a month or so out so I can have a holiday for a little while and come back here for high season. August - mid September and they're keeping my job and room available so now I can start planning what to do with the time, see if Barry is going to join me and stock up on cat food whilst I'm away so Klang can get looked after. The adventure continues.