When you
work 26/31 days a month you meet a few characters, see a few things and gather
a few interesting anecdotes. Here’s a few favourites since my last post:
So; here I
am zooming through the jungle on a zipline, same as I do 3 times a day then
BOOM my life flashes before my eyes as I think my safety clips have combusted
and smacked me in the back of the head becuase something has just wacked me
right in the bullseye below my helmet. No other explanation other for the
sudden pain because there’s no trees in the way, no super speed birds flying
past. Confused; I take off my helmet to reveal the the little shitbags from
next door were using me as human target practice as a marble fell out. Why I
outta! –shakes fist-
Next up my “tiktik
con chhamar” (little baby cat) is doing well, super cute and sitting on my lap
as I type this. Well, he decided to come to work with me last week. Usually
that’s easy as all he has to do is walk downstairs and play with the ropes and
harness’ left out like he normally does…nope. He decides to climb up a 10 meter
pole and join me on the platform. Not the usual message I have to radio through
to say:
“Nat, Nat, Nat.
Please can you come rescue my cat out of a tree”
As seen in
my last post, I do get some arseholes I have to pretend to like (as seen in my
last post). Most recently we have a boy from Kent and his 3 mates. Same age as me,
not too far either so I think it’s nice I can have a laugh with them. Wrong.
They come in DEMANDING discount. Why? “We NEVER pay full price for ANYTHING. You’re
going to give it to us for $25.” Umm, well mate I never pay full price for
anything either but you don’t see me being an arsehole about it. So sorry, no
discount for you. Then he decides to kick off with the whole “white tax”. Well,
face it Barang (white boy) you’re in a 3rd world country, if you’ve
used up all your money on a 16 month holiday around the world when 1/3rd
of the population of this country have to survive off less than $1 a day then
open your eyes to the real world where you have the accessibility of being able
to get a job in a Halifax Call Centre of Sainsburys Check Out and earn $20k a
year. THAT’S called White Privilege something the people of Cambodia and many
places in the world aren’t born into and can’t just do without any experience
or education or without moving overseas. So face it mate- paying an extra
2000rl (50c) for some egg fried rice aint the worst thing in the world.
But even
with all my recent sassy comments I may give the impression I’m an impatient
person or simply bad at my job but firstly it takes a hella lot of patience to
guide a group of Chinese around he park who’s only words are “okay, ready, go” –video
game style- and not only keep them safe and smiling but to keep them educated
on the wildlife (my dinosaur, lizard, monkey, and snail impressions are ones to
witness) especially after they failed to understand my tongue in the self-taught
Chinese I learnt. But it is really lovely for me to hear about people having
fun in a place I’m proud to say I work and we are currently the number 1 thing
to do on the island according to trip advisor so if you’d like to read some
nice things you can check that out here.
Home is
good, Klang is good, Nat is good, Anton (my crazy Russian boss) is good. Monkey’s
breaking into my house and stealing my eggs? Not so good. And I suppose you’re
wondering where the title of this blog originated. Well…picture this (better in
slow motion)…
Customer: Look! –points
to tree- a monkey!
Me: Oh no you don’t you feral beast!
-Runs upstairs, hair wild in the artificial wind
created by moving at such speed. A war inspired cry is being chanted “Oiiiibooafffyafuhhcarssss”
to see dog sized monkeys (no seriously, dog sized) scarpering from my kitchen
followed by a cry downstairs…-
Nat: “Noooooooooo, not the cumin!”
-our mammal brothers gallivant off through the
trees with our favorite bag of spice in the clutches of their jaws-
…jungle
problems.
I’ve been
keeping myself *moderately* sober recently by attending the best fake western
wedding koh rong has to offer, some bonfires and re-ann khami (learning Cambodian)
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| walking in style |
I’ve been
owed a few days off this month so due to my prolonged holiday departure date I
decided to have the 23rd-25th off leaving my Thursday –
Saturday to do whatever I want. The original plan for Wednesday night and Thursday
fell through so cooked some rice and packed an overnight bag and decided to go
for a walk. Wellllllllll, fast forward 30km and 2 days later I found myself in
the remote most northern village (one of four) on the island named Prek Sway
meaning “mango river”. And I ended up having two of my favourite days and two
of my scariest nights since arriving to the island 5 months ago.
Setting off
Thursday with no agenda I decided to just walk. So by 5pm I found myself in
Sang Kaa, the smallest of the four villages in the island and a small fishing
and material import port for the islands building supplies. There I was invited
by a “bong” (brother) for moi, pi beer sra (one or two beers) and some Karaoke
(god they love it over here). Come 6pm and everyone “at mien arr’am, charram
sra” (no have party, too much alcohol) so they all bailed and went to bed.
Lucky for me I had enough time enough time (not really) to pitch up my hammock
on Coconut Beach for the evening. Luckily for me it was a “tom low kai” (full moon) so that helped a lot with the
whole seeing thing.
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| not a bad view to wake up to |
Day two saw
an early morning bath/shower/swimming the sea before continuing the journey to
anywhere that took my interest. Deserted beach, boggy swamps, ancient
mangroves, GIANT TREES…coastal routes and jungle treks (dense untouched foliage
was a personal highlight… “how did I get here? How do I get out? Where did I come
from? Ouch that was spikey. THIS VINE HAS TRAPPED MY FOOT! That bug looks like
its going to eat me’ etcetc) fast-forward a good few kilometers later and
numerously turned down lifts from passing motos and I decided I’d make that
evenings destination some abandoned bungalows that I was told about some weeks
before. About 4pm I decided to think about starting to pack down for the
evening- collect some fire wood, put up my hammock, go for a swim etc. Luckily
for me 10 minutes later I recognized the path and I had reached my destination and
I did exactly as I planned.
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| Abandoned bungalow |
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| Bongs |
Coming back from my swim I am greeted by some bongs and we get talking, to the extent that I know maybe 100 words in Khmi and they know “hello” so we all did a bit of learning. We get talking about Song Saa and I think they’re asking if I’m staying at the 5* resort just off the coast for $1500 a night, so I reply “at mien song say, a’tay loy” meaning I have no Song Saa, I have no money. But they keep pointing to the oldest bong like ‘Song Saa! Song Saa!!” sooooo moving onto the next day and I find out that Song Saa also means partner. Like boyfriend, girlfriend. Now replace the conversation and you can understand how my evening pieced together. So “knoym bong” (my bros) warn me about “steel p’shue” (storm) and “cha’ram pree’un” (lots of rain) and invite me to sleep in their abandoned warehouse. As kind as the offer was I didn’t want the only other people on LONELY BEACH to know my sleeping arrangements so I decline and tell them I’ll sleep in the jungle. After seeing the family living off “try san mot bye” (rice and fish from the ocean) it felt rude to refuse. So I take shelter in the alternative arrangement. Unluckily for me my
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| the bed of horror films |
songsaa I locked the door so when my mixed signals
and miscommunication got the better of bong he couldn’t get in my room in the
middle of the night…at least when I woke up in the morning he wasn’t standing outside
my door with a machete….All a big misunderstanding! And I carried on my walk to
Prek Sway.
The plan
then was to get to the village then hitch hike back with a moto to my village,
Koh Toi in time for work on Sunday morning. Well as I was strolling along the
beach at my destination absorbing the beauty and distracted by the perfection
of the last couple days my feet decided it would be a good idea to tread on a
rusty crab cage buried in the sand, giving up much hope on walking even an hour
back. LUCKILY FOR ME my savior, my protector, my Australian Knight in shining armor,
my competitor (number 2 on trip advisor, ooo) MITCH from the Adventure boat
tour rocks up with his weekly tour. So I hitchy hitched with Mitchy Mitch and
his tour back down the coast. Ever been so happy for a coincidence in my life
or to see my next door neighbor. A beautiful end to an amazing three days off
and not too bad from three days without a watch, a phone, internet, and just 1L
of fried rice and 2 bottles of water.
I’m amazed
for starters at my current level of fitness and how much you learn when you are
put out of your comfort zone. And it just reemphasizes my life motto of “if it’s
not a good time, it’s a good story.”
*I am now
officially phone and tabletless again.
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| Bongs on the beach |
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