 |
| "View from the office" herherher |
This island is literally me just summarised on a map.
 |
| Hanging out with Tiff! |
So far so good, I haven’t had any resemblances to Shutter
Island, Castaway or the Scooby Doo film with Mr Bean in it (or other island
films I can’t think of right now). Just lots of flashbacks to doing one two
many Joss shots, Dangercan and shouting motivation words to a couple further
along the beach who were having a REALLY good night (if you know what I mean)
with my bro from the Cruise Ship Big Gay Will (he actually just got fired from
the ship for trying to steer it 4 times over the driving limit it wasn’t so
funny I’d be concerned) He’s difficult to miss being the whitest, lankiest
giant on the island. I did need to drown my sorrows after he told me that he
crashed Barry but Barry is fine and all the drinks were at Will’s expense.
Island Life is a unique way of living for sure. It’s a
everyone-knows-everyone environment which means there's no escape from hearing
what you got up to the night before (even if you don’t want to hear it!) but
there’s also a big health risk here, number one is there is no medical centre
so you really have to trust your gut and just hoping you’ll bump into a
backpacking nurse or pray the lady in pharmacy knows more than you and google.
My friend who invited me to the Island- Stella had two worms living in her feet
. Two. Worms. Living. In. Her. Feet. And
I quote:
“Touch it! Feels so weird. Sometimes I can feel it wriggling and when it
moves it sometimes leaves a trail mark!”
 |
| No weird diseases for sure |
Weird tropical rashes are common and the risk of any “diseases”
(winkwink) is also very high. But no need to worry about that side of me I’m a
born again virgin after having to shove cotton wool up crocodiles Colakas (a
story for another post) back in 2015.
My job is cool. Literally hanging out in the trees, or
stroll along the beach and hand out flyers and call it work. I make $3 for
every person I take around the course and commission on tickets (but that
doesn’t happen often) and $3 goes a long way when all you eat is rice and beer
is 75c a can. So funding my binge drinking and banana addiction, great! So far
it’s been monkey free, so no need for the water gun yet. I wish I could say the
same for mosquitos- don’t even get me started on those blood sucking arseholes.
 |
| Beats rush hour - my commute to work |
Cons of living in the jungle is that I am surrounded by
malaria-spreading, irritating, skin destroying wastes of life- and there is
nothing I can do (reminds me a little bit of college minus the malaria risk).
Fristly they aint your normal mozzies. They’re Super Mutant Mozzies, about the
size of your thumbnail. It’s almost like they’ve been leeching off radioactive
joss-infected backpackers- (oh wait…) Perks are that you can see them. All 20
of them suckling on your legs everytime you decide to look down. But it’s fine-
pay $20 for some 100% DEET spray and watch as it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
I’d like to call their impact my Cambodian Tattoo aka the
100’s of scabs ridden across my body from their itchy as hell bites. There is
definite satisfaction knowing that under my hand is what was a mosquito and
that it’s now one mosquito less in the world because of me. When you get Triple Whammy (getting 3+ at the same time
with one palm splat) I sadistically like to leave their (or my) remains on me
as a warning to their mates OI COME TRY IT MATE SEE WHAT HAPPENED ENTER THE
GRAVEYARD FOR MY BLOOD SEE IF IT’S WORTH IT!
I have introduced the “mozzie jig” to my customers, which is
basically me two-stepping and flailing my limbs around to stop them landing on
me. Definitely not coming to a club near you anytime soon. I am now pretty
confident on my Jackie Chan reflexes to having them land on me. You can only
imagine the ungracefullnesss of me right now. But you know, nothing says
bravery like building up the courage to leave the comfort of
your mosquito net and seeing the army not only
hovering outside but trying to penetrate the walls nd knowing your only guard
is sitting in an orange can on the counter downstairs.
AND the obnoixios pests can also astronomically annoy the
shit out of you even when you’re half conscious and asleep.
BuuuUUUzzzzZZZZzzzzzZZzzzzzzz SLAP to the side of your face but
bbBBbbbbuuuuuUUUUuuuZzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZzzz but somehow he lives on making you just
look like an idiot slapping youself in the face then finally after repeating
this for about half hour SLAP and silence….for a total of about three minutes
until the next one comes along. Repeat this process all night until your alarm
goes off. Okay, so I got started on mosquitos. Wait till the rant I have if I
catch Dengue.
 |
| Large picture because I look nice xoxo |
So- work! My
coworkers are characters, most nights involve Khmer Whisky and throwing things
off the balcony. But it’s all good fun! Two of the other instructors are Sverta
and Igor, a recently married Russian couple. Sverta actually just said to me as
I was typing:
“Beekah. For friends and family of yours.
Yeeeeassss? Please say hello. And. International Freedom Forever (peace sign)”
We also have my manger Nat who’s great. He’s from Bristol
but he’s spent so much time around non-native English speaking Russians that
his English is now TERRIBLE
“Me Good. Day Good. Becca happy?” which translates to “Alright geeza, I’m
frekkin brillo! Had a fantastic day! How’s it going for you Bexx?” NATHANIAL
YOU’RE FROM BRISTOL! He’s cool though, I told him that I liked his music the
other day (a mix of electroswing, dubstep, remixes or weird and wonderful) and
he played Sweet Caroline- I mean, who doesn’t like that song? So then after y
compliment I am greeted by Sweet Caroline again but this time an indie version.
Then a Dubstep version. Then a Reggae version and the list goes on until at
least half an hour had passed.
The owner is a Russian guy with a mullet.
And Jake, he’s sound. Cycled from England to Australia in
two years. Cool guy.
But the Russians (and all their friends) come to drink at
the centre. Drinking with Russians is interesting for sure! First of all they’ve
been trying to teach me Russian (which I cannot remember a word of!) but the
alphabet is “just like the English one, but it doesn’t sound the same and has
extra shit added”…helpful.
 |
| Me and Anuschka, my Swizz partner in crime |
They then wanted to share their favourite things about
Russia with me (not just vodka). One thing, don’t let them know you don’t know
much about Nelson. They’re really passionate. Next they decided to educate me
and “prepare me against Putin Propaganda” with “Winnie Pooh” which is Russian Winnie
the Pooh (see, almost the same) it’s great and I would’ve wished I had seen it
years ago but maybe not as a child the terrible dubbing isn’t too inspiring. So
Winnie Pooh he has no legs but “IT IS ART NOT A DOCUMENTARY NOT UP FOR
DISCUSSION” and PLEASE do not try to tell them that their National Treasure,
Guiame the singing crocodile, sounds French. They do not like that.
It’s an interesting relationship we all have. But I told you
they were characters.
So money can be a bit unpredictable as for budget and food you
wouldn’t understand the variations of rice you can make when that’s all you’re willing
to spend your money on (and mango’s from my mango lady friend!) rice, egg fried
rice, mango sticky rice, rice pudding, fried banana rice, cold banana rice, pineapple
fried rice you get the idea. Every $ I save on food I can then spend on beer!
As I said I have to sit down on a bridge in the jungle and
try to promo the place for some $$. This means I spend a lot of time in the
day- doing nothing. So I’m trying to be proactive and I’m learning Khmer from
my Mango lady friend so far I know:
Hello – Su-Sa-Day
Have you eaten rice
(how’re you?) – Sok-Sa-Bye
Yes I have eaten rice
(I’m good) – Si-Sa-Bok
Mango Sweet –
Swhy Tom Im
Mango Sour –Swhy Jai
Hue
Pineapple -
Minoah
Monkey - Swayh
Breadroll – Nom
Pang
Big - Tomtom
Small - Tiktik
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 20
– Moi, Pi, Bye, Boo-an, Prrrram, Dup, Pie. Then you add 1+5 for 6, 10+5+2 for
seventeen etcetc
and I try to help her
kids out with their English alphabets. Sometimes I share my food with them,
sometimes they give me some free food. Everyone is a winner and they’re amazing
people! I also am trying to train myself to slackline…but that’s a work in
progress.
A few snaps of me looking happy with some animals :
 |
| Sober- as per | | |
