Vietnam Post (slightly overdue!)

The next stage of the adventure began in Ho Chi Minh (previously named Siagon but later renamed after the late king). It started off at Singapore Airport and being told my now 13kg bag couldn't be taken on the plane or I'd have to pay the extra 5kg to upgrade my hand luggage. NO CHANCE. I'm a backpacker. So on went e v e r y  p i e c e  o f  c l o t h i n g from my bag and every pocket filled and a massive case of the evils from the trainee check out guy, next up it got worse with a flight with three children littered around a 3 seat circumference of me who would not stop crying the entire journey. But as soon as I stepped foot off the aircraft everything got better.

Barry- Mid Breakdown 3.

So first of all I was introduced to Vietnamese Coffee which is amazing for the pure reason they don't use milk, but condensed milk. Hello diabetes and caffine highs! And after visiting the Chu Chi Tunnels and War Renents Museum I decided to buy myself a mode of transport for this stage of the advenutre- A 2004 Yamaha Nu Automatic Scooter going by the name of Barry. He's called Barry after the local beer 333 (BaBaBa) or BaBaBarry. You can see my next post for some of our adventures together.

My first stop on Barry was an ambitious 400km South to the Mekong Delta town of Can Tho. After getting myself lost for easily an hour I managed to find the AH1 main road taking me most of the journey there. Once I (finally) arrived after granny pacing it the whole journey I went on this free walking food tour (you can pick it up from the Xoai Hotel at 6pm) it was amazing! We made our own spring rolls, sampled some dishes (and a variety of beer) and a fermented egg, which was actually pretty tasty imagine a hard boiled egg but with a jelly coating and strongggg. We learnt about why they all sit on red chairs (to be lower than the king, and so you can pick up and run if you hear the police- no joke!) This was a much better experience than when I asked for some noodles in the Ben Tang market only to have the remains of the last customers dish interwoven with my food- unfortunately for me they didn't  share my carnivorous ways.

Fermented Egg

Next day was an early start- 4am for a tour of the floating markets. I just found a lady 11pm the night before, gave her £10 and she took me out on her boat for the entire morning.Back at the hostel I found I had another roomate so in an attempt to split the cost invited him along, he (not so politely) rejected. Only to then wake up with me at 4am and be a complete grump the whole journey. Booo.

Case 1 of why I have grown to dislike every Swedish person I have met to date.

Quick pit stop on the Delta

My Pho. God I hate Coriander too.

I then decided to chow down on some noodle soup or Pho (pronounced Fuuuuuuu) and being VERY new to Vietnamese culture, food and language I didn't really know what it was so I ever so politely asked for something to eat that was vegetarian (in Vietnamese Toi An Chay) so I start showing down on my vegetarian noodle soup only to then look at the contents floating around in the bottom of my bowl and to discover the whole soup was just mystery meat broth. Nice. I then decided to pass and feed the rest of the contents to the river. So far Vietnam was not doing wonders for my appetite or my moral compass.

How I felt after leaving the Storks

That evening I was a bit lost for something to do- being a bit to far to head back north I decided to head to the Bang Lang Stork Sanctuary after reading some good reviews about it. Note to self: don't believe every good review. IT WAS SO CREEPY. Man- I hate storks. Drove 60km to just see these gangaly birds shouting and shitting in the trees- not to mention all thes dead ones that had severed themselves on branches. Then had the joy of being groped by the only other people there by a really drunk, white person loving lady. Someone tell me that I dn't live the dream?


Me and Barry decided to set off the next day a bit of a trek up to Mui Ne. 6am was our pre-decided departure time It was actually 10am by the time we set off. Not beause I slept in but because we didn't make it 10km out of the city before Barry had decided to brea down three times. Brake Cables (TWICE) and then after his ignition cut out and refused to start he needed a new battery. To get a new battery I had to head into town- luckily for me a local offered me a boost - by pushing my bike with his foot back into town. When we signaled to each other I'd give him petrol money he then was talking to me in Vietnamese (the louder you talk and the s l o w e r you talk doesn't make a difference if I understand you or not) and said in his sentence "fukfuk" I was like soz dude, don't get ya, still  don't understand Vietnamese...."f u k f u k "  nope... still nothing. (whilst driving) croses his fingers, points at me and him and goes " F U K F U K " oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Now I get it and nope, sorry. So after my fix- I was hastily on the road.

Mui Ne was beaut! Just a two night one day trip. Went to the Sand Dunes and various other places in a jeep. Made friends with the guys on my trip and decided to have a party. Ended up at the weirdest club I've been to in a while. Like a worse version of Angeliques in Crawley Town Centre but the average age is 40 and much more... multicultural. Dodgy dancing? Definitely. I had my second encounter with the swedes. This time the conversation went a little like this:

Swede: Is there alcohol in this? I can't taste any. I've been drinking for 5 hours and there is no alcohol in this.
Me: Nope, there is. It's just watered down cause your ice has melted.
Swede: Knew you'd be able to taste it- girls can't handle their alcohol as well as boys can.


Arsehole. Challenge Accepted. And Won.

Next stop was a scenic drive through the mountains to Dalat.

My not-chicken wing

My not-beef fried rice

Dalat is a little french holiday retreat (or the honeymoon capital of Vietnam) It's easy to absorb in the European influence especially as the air is so clear compared to the smoggy and humidity in the cities. Flowers, Bakeries, an abundance of bicycles, markets, wine (the only brand of Vietnamese wine!) and Eifel Tower phone masts (no jokes). I was also lucky enough to finally discover the joys of Com Chay which is a type of vegetarian restaurant made for the Buddhist Monks, but because they're veggie not by choice it's all just replica meat. Replica fried frog, replica deer, fake chicken, fake mystery meat. Not going to lie, it turned my stomach a bit as I bit into a not-chicken wing, but finding somewhere I can safely know is meat and fish free was a blessing!

Being in the Honeymoon capital is fabulous! Strolls by the river on my own. Sharing a milkshake with myself. Watching the sunset...solo. But in all seriousness they have a park called the Valley Of Love. I got offered to go by a travel agent but I passed on the swanboat for one and opted for the more boysterous activity of canyoning, freejumping off cliffs and abseiling down waterfalls.



I decided to stay for a few days in Dalat- went to a bar called 100 Roofs or Maze Bar. Maze Bar being the more accurate title. It is definitely a challenge, more of a work of art than a drinking establishment. And European standards would never accept it - health and safety, fire routes, slip/trip/fall hazards. This is why we can't have nice things. Click here to watch a video of the bar.

My next and final stop on my two week tour of the south of Vietnam was Nhy Trang. The Russian's version of Majorca (which made FAN-TASTIC people watching) a sea full of Speedos, croc tops and large fluorescent dresses. Free Beer at the hostel for Power Hour also made a brilliant vibe (and lots of drunk backpackers by 7.30pm)

Alas, 800km and a flat tire and that brought an end to my time in this beaut country (for the time being) and onto Cambodia! But don't worry- I'll be back in a few months time for some delicious coffee and Bunh Mi.

Godbless Bunh Mi

Vietnam photos!

It's okay cows, wasn't trying to drive here....

Mui Ne - White Sand Dunes

Sunset over the Dalat skyline

Just a few Moto's in Ho Chi Minh

Mini Quail Eggs Omelette with uhhhh.. octopus

Pit stop with Barry

Tropical Island Paradise: what could possibly Koh Rong?

****

After leaving the comfort of the known the leisure of sleeping in a hammock next to the riverside of Kampot and a swift pass through of the neighbouring town of Kep- doing some urban exploring of the 1970's villas still abandoned from the Khmer Rouge Era; I decided to find some sanctuary and have some fun in the southern islands.

"We sorry, 2pm and 3pm sold out. You go at 5pm" the ticket office informed me and looking at the conditions of  the sea that should've been an indication to keep travelling the mainland. But nope, managed to find another company and squeeze myself into the 3pm. I choose the window seat, which for some reason I thought would be the best option. 3 minutes and no seats left I realised it wasn't as I was greeted by my 5th salty splash to the face (wheeyyy) (sorry dad)
So after arriving to the Island I checked in at the reasonably priced "$5 dorm and a free beer" welding hostel. By this time is maybe 5.30pm, I only mention the time because of the red headed, glitter donning American girl behind the bar was visibly obliterated. "you want a joss shot* for $1?"
Anyone who knows me well know I can't turn down the offer of that 4 letter word. And so it began.

Checked into my dorm which was Same old same old and boasted the line "Frankie fucked here" and "whore $quad on tour" scrawled into the back of the door. The joys of budget travelling.

The problem with drinking (not the hangover, blackouts, need to vommit or unstoppable urge to talk an eternity of shit) is when you've had a few and youre in a small place like this is that the next day everyone talks to you and you have no idea if they're just Being friendly, staying in your dorm, you met them at that banana rave 10 weeks ago in Pai or if they'd given you a piggy back through the jungle at 3am. All are possibilities and this might proved to be one of those because the next day everyone was my friend.

The joss shots rolled in, and so did the beer (and God bless the drunk redhead because my total tab came to $1) and then "spin the wheel" where I was lucky enough to a free cocktail rather than a bartender tattoo... (and judging by the bartenders you'd get something quite the opposite of whatever was originally intended) but as I happily explained to the bar team-would you really trust a bar where the bartenders didn't drink their own drinks? I wouldnt. And if you can't beat em- join em and get me another joss.


The venue for the night was Nest hostel got their weekly party Nestival. It's a 30 minute trek through the jungle to get there, or a short trip away by boat. Seeing that none of us could drive a boat (let alone SHOULD Drive a boat in our state) we decided that 'borrowing' a friend of a friend's boat would be a great idea...
So we all climb in, some more successfully than others, and we set off. After we've hit about 500m out karma hit us like we'd been hitting back those joss shots. The boat ran out of petrol. So picture this. 10 paraletic backpackers with a hole in the boat and two buckets to throw the water out (or to attempt to paddle back depending who had hold of them). Successfully stranded we contemplated swimming back, paddling the boat back, or just waiting it out until we could get rescued on the morning. We opted for the latter which in turn proved to be the best option (of course it was(!) would've taken the same amount if time but far more energy for the first two) after maybe 10 minutes or maybe 90 minutes, of screaming B*witched the boat started working again and we made haste for dry land. Upon reaching shore which I'm positive we clambered onto like we'd just survived a pirate Shipwreck, we realised we were probably a total of 300 meters from where we began. So we started the now 29 minute trek through the jungle to the party.

I can happily say my Kay night of drinking went out with a bang because the next day I started my course of antibiotics to treat a small infected cut on my foot. I have officially enrolled in the sock squad and joined the other 20%of the island doing the same. Now not only do I have to sacrifice swimming, trekking and an even foot tan - I couldn't drink for 3 days. T H R E E  D A Y S. Normally not a problem but when one is stuck on a party island where that is all there is to do I was stuck with a whole load of nothing to do. Until yesterday where I was offered a position in a High Ropes course just a short walk into the 99%of jungle that covers the island. And I snapped up the position faster than someone can say 'Theres even a Foosball table"

It's not very often you start a job and some of the key advice you receive is "yeah, watchOut for the monkeys they can be arseholes. Maybe carry a slingshot or water gun or something " so there we have it. Lasertag queen 2014, crocodile wrestler 2015, poo patrol poolside 2016, badass pirate monkey 2017, monkey tamer 2018. And that's my CV. Anyone wanna hire me?

*joss is an energy powder, like pre-workout or lucozade energy but it's banned in England, Australia, Europe etc. God bless Asia and their lack in food safety standards.

****Severe lack of updates (and a severe lack of computers in my life) but I've got them all written but not the chance to type so enjoy the unchronological order of the next few posts. Hopefully I can get a few photos up but I'm fearing the worst as I think my memory cards are corrupted.